Yep, I remembered some stuff :3

Vimto

Friend: عيونك حمر Your eyes are red!
Me: إي شارب فيمتو بالمقلوب Yea, drank vimto upside down.

24!

A bunch of friends were playing with numbers. Like, 8+2 = 10, with 5 = 105 and weird stuff.
Friend: 2 + 8?
Me: 24!
Friend: Dude, 2 + 8?
Me: Ummmm… Aaaaah… 24!
*Friend brings the calculator and start punching*
Friend: There you go, 2 + 8 = 10!
Me: Weird… Something is wrong with the calculator
Me: Wait, 2 + 8, not 3 x 8 … My bad
*Friend facepalms*

Riddle

Niece: What is the thing that a mouse can get in, but a cat can’t?
Me: Mouse house?
Niece: No.
Me: Door cracks?
Niece: No.
Me: What?
Niece: The mouse’s bed.

*Me pats my niece’s head knowing she’ll be an interesting person soon*

Elephant!

Playing EVE Online where I bumped into a player I haven’t talked to for some long time
Me: Hey, remember me?
Player: Yes. When it gets to names, I’m an elephant.
Me: You mean you’re fat?
Player: No, I have a good memory.

I’m hungry!

Friend: Man I’m hungry!
Me: I’m Germany
Friend: Whaa?
Me: Not one, but many!!

Die you monster!

My friend is diabetic.
Friend: Oh, well I didn’t know that.
Me: *pffft* noob!
*My friend approaches to hit me*
Me: DIE YOU MONSTER!!
*Me throwing chocolate and candies*
Me: DIE DIE DIE!!

Why are you eating cake!?

My diabetic friend’s sugar level dropped so he stole my chocolate mini-roll cake
Me: Why are you eating chocolate?
Friend: My sugar level is dropping
Me: But I thought you’re allergic to sugar!
Friend: What?
Me: No wait, you’re diabetic…

Food?

I do this whenever I don’t understand what someone else is saying.
Friend: Have you ever heard of *blah*?
Me: What is that, food?
Friend: No no, it’s *blah*blah*
Me: Ummm, you put it in microwave?