Yep, more to come!!
*Me feeding my colleague’s shredder some papers*
Me: Good boy!
Colleague: What are you doing?
Me: Feeding my pet.
Colleague: Get the fuck out!
My whole family is out the country
*Me and a friend (A guy) discussing traveling options*
Friend: Listen, my whole family is out the country and they’ll arrive soon. I’ll discuss with them when they’re back
Me: <blush>Want me to come over sweety</blush>?
Friend: No I’m good, granma is here though
Me: It’s ok, we can shut the door, she won’t hear us!
Friend: You sick bastard!!
You’re a sick bastard!
*Telling another friend (A girl) about the conversation above*
Friend: Leave him alone, you sick bastard!
Me: I’m not sick, I’m just sexually adjustable!
Me: I prefer brown sugar over white one. Taste better.
Friend (A girl): I feel ya
Me: YOU PERV!!
Me: I knew it! You’re into menbutts!!
Friend: What am I? A Kuwaiti guy?
Me: You’re getting there!
FUCK NO, thank god!
*My friend’s mom gave birth to a baby boy. So I called his dad to congratulate him*
Friend’s dad: Thanks, I really appreciate it
Me: So, did you name him Dherar (Dherar is my name… Just in case you didn’t know)
Friend yelling: FUCK NO, THANK GOD!
Friend’s dad: There you go, fuck no.
Me: *Phew* , you just saved the kid so much trouble.
NO YOU ASSHOLE!!
Me: I have this hobby of stealing pen out of hotel rooms
Friend: Well, I have this hobby of stealing air from hotel rooms
*Me taking deep and continuous sniffs*
Friend: HEY! THATS MINE!!
Me: OK lemme just fart
Friend: NO YOU ASSHOLE NOOO!!